Memory

It was an ordinary day in the lab, an unpleasant one, since I was In the Lab, and one of the hottest days of July the last days of July. I was sitting on a stool, mixturing some liquids in a small tube. In order to avoid any unforgivable mistake, I had blocked out every distraction, the chattering people, the music from the radio, the boss asking various information needed to be answered. Everything was but a blur, I was just counting every μl and memorizing each ingredient I've used, so that the steps would be imprinted in my memory, long enough to transcribe them to a piece of paper, at the end of the experiment, for future evaluation.
But memory works in mysterious ways. No one knows which memory, information, or whatever, is stored in the brain, patiently waiting for the moment that it will be retrieved. No one knows what is hidden deep into the labyrinth of myriads of synapses between an equal amount of neurons. How all that information is being organized, archived, does any kind of indexing exists, that will facilitate the immediate and specific extraction of long forgotten information? Or, rather, there is no organization, everything is in chaos, so that enormous amount of data could be stored in that gelatinous part of our bodies called brain.
I had blocked out everything, but just the smallest distraction could blow everything in the air. So, when a colleague of mine opened one of those advertising handkerchiefs used for cleaning up our hands after a meal, a soft ,but not so delicate, lemon aroma diffused into the lab. It was not the first time that I had smelled that aroma, as those handkerchiefs are common.
For some reason at that particular moment and within a relative small amount of time every function ceased, I blacked out and my brain filled with all the data that had been unlocked from that aroma. My mind was filled with images, smells, feelings, sounds, of a past time. Every sense was alive but inside my brain. It was as if for just a few seconds there was nothing else. As time was not and past and present was one.
In the center of this experience was the soft delicate lemon aroma derived from those big dark semi-transparent bottles filled with hand-made lemon aroma.
Sunday evening, probably during the winter, cause I was having finishing a hot bath. Wrapped in a big-towel following barefoot my mother, who is carrying into her arms my brother, to the sofa to dry us. My father watching the news. Since it is Sunday and the day after we have to go to school, we need to be shiny to wear fresh clothes, for the first day of the week. I am still attending the first classes of junior. While we are still covered with our towels (my brother covered with the towel he had inherited from me, the one with a small hood with some patching on it, making it look like an animal's head) steaming from the hot watter, she would probably trimming our nails, dry and brush our hair.
Then I know that she will stand up and headed for the kitchen and I will wait there patiently for that big bottle. She would open the cabinet door beneath the kitchen. There are always two big bottles, among other things in that cabinet, but I can never recall the aroma of the second bottle. It is as that second bottle was sealed, never meant to be opened. So, she returns to find us still waiting patiently. As soon as she removes the lid, she sealed the opening of the bottle with her palm and inverting it so that sufficient amount of cologne would soak her hand.
And as she removes her hand from the opening of the bottleneck, the lemon aroma is feeling my lungs and my senses...
and I exhale into the lab those memories from the past.

In The Mood For Love

Busy day...a hot day
an exhausting day, but still when the work was done I returned home waiting for the night, there is a promise for the end of the week, for something different. Not that it was a special night, but still, the promise of a night with friends, the promise of a well organized party changed dramatically my mood.
It was party time and that was all i needed.
I took a shower, wear my favorite t-shirt and a pair of short trousers and rushed for the late bus. In my ears the appropriate music from my mp3 player to warm my mood. Radiohead, The Dandy Wharhols, Mars Volta, and Blue Monk to cool down.

I only needed a few drinks to loosen up so I could work out my dancing moves. There is no greater joy than losen up, cloud a little bit your thoughts with the appropriate amount of alcohol, not to much not to little, just enough to let go of he moral constrictions that tighten up the feet and the tongue, and then ignoring those that stare at you making all kind of comments, good or bad, to dance, sing, talk with all you.
So, I entered the room, dim light enough space for the guests to feel comfortable, but not to spacey so that stranger will have the chance to get accustom with each other. Most of my friends were already on the second round, high on spirit, talking vigorously, mostly about soccer, about the new season, the new coach...
"I'm late as always" I though...but the bar is always close.

It is as if the shortest road to anything is the road to the bar. And when you reach it, usually the amount of time required to reach the bar is always proportional to your sobriety (you get there faster when you are a little bit drunk) you found it crowded, with people doing anything else BUT drinking. So you end up thinking of ways to remove the obstacles that separates you from your goal, a cold big glass of frozen Beer.

After the usual greetings and small talk I headed to the bar.
The music was surprisingly good. The one that will make you feel great, smooth to the ear and to the mind. It was a great evening. Not as great as I could possibly think. As I reached to the bar I grubbed a cold beer, for starters, and turned around to look upon the growing crowd. The music had an amazing effect on all the attendants, as the next song was started I was astound. it was Frank Sinatra's
"I've got you under my skin".

"that is an excellent choice" I though.
I turned around now facing the steady relaxing movement of people having fun. The crowd surrendered to the groove. Some of them were singing the song, others had already found a partner to dance with.

"some songs will always have that amazing effect" I pondered... I let the beer to cool me, and as I took a deep swallow of the liquor, a exhale of relief, relieved from the last traces of the morning tension.

As my mind and my sight was wandering, partially from the big gulp of 1/2 lt Weiss beer, in the far end, under low light, and in the left side of the room, I saw her.

...I may see only fools 'round she...

The air was heavier, my knees could not held my weight, and time stopped, for as long as it was necessary for me to fully grasp the moment. I stepped away from the lights that darkened my vision, far but not too far, so that I would not miss the softness of your movement, the freshness of your smile, just enough to be unnoticed. I was memorizing every gesture, trying to read your lips, not to understand what you were saying, but to just watch, observe, with a faint smile.
For that time of no time, I could only hear my heart

...pounding to the rhythm of the rain..,

just for a second, but it was enough.
Dark black straight long hair shining to the faint light of the room, a gentle calm face, a woman's body, not too thin, not fat, just as I dreaming of it, in a simple black dress that fitted with her pale skin and those black eyes, shining more that anything I could thing of, looking straight at me.....The darkness I was hiding was illuminated, your smile, to give breath to my breath , and to stub once more my heart, crushed my knees under the weight of its glory. My mind was numb, the place was erased, and all that was left was her.
...You know, you must take a look at me, Baby, baby, I know that's the way...
Time, once again, was on the move and the voice of Brian Ferry's interpretation of
"the way you look tonight"
brought fear to my heart, I turned around, seeking for a second drink. stronger one this time. To calm me down.
I stand still staring at the enormous variety of alcohol, try to think of possible knock-down combinations, I poured a big glass of beer, and insert a sot of tequila, a good drink, with a nice aftertaste and with guaranteed results.
"I will have one of that" heard a voice, and turned around in awe.
I was surprised to she her smiling at me
...all I ever wanted, all I ever needed...
I was even more disbelieved and turned to see if she was talking to someone else.
"None around" I though..."not good" I add, "not good at all", "OK, unexpected, but definitely good" I concluded.
"It would be my pleasure" I added with a smile, trying to look as fascinated as I could.
And as a naive knight from the old times I asked for her name:
"Could I have your name", and that time this few words implied that her name WAS important, as important as were the true names in the earthsea, from Ursula's K. Le Guin novels. A name that I will only know and pronounce cause she had gave it me.
I'm @@@@ she said,
@@@@@@@ I replied...
I present her the mixture of beer and tequila, she brought it to her lips and I wished that it were my lips she was drinking from.
She smiled at me, at least she liked it.
"So what are you doing in a place like this?" I asked
"A friend of mine is organizing it." she replied

...Stop me, oh, I said stop me, Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before...

"Who, @@@@? I know him since we were still at high school"
and it was easy for me to direct the conversation from that moment to where I was most comfortable with.

...I rather dance with you, than talk with you...
I can not remember the details of our conversation, what we were talking about, what was her favorite movie, her favorite song, what were her thoughts on religion, economics, the big bang theory, the existence of extraterrestrial beings, ... but all I wanted was to hear her talking

"Thank almighty sfiltros and koxakies the twin gods of alcohol that I'm not that drunk, I couldn't stop talking if I was" a thought crossed my mind...

It was as if I we were alone by the sea, or even better on a boat on the calmly surface of the sea, the sparkling sea under the bright light of a red full moon.

...You whisper secrets in my ear, Slowly dancing cheek to cheek...
All are a blur in my mind, I was only noticing her movements, her hand moved away a strand of hair getting in front of her face, her white skin soft and smooth as a marble statue. Her posture, as she was sitting to this long chair, her legs crossed. I was listening but not listening, I was talking and not talking. The world had disappeared, my friends fell into a black hole aimlessly wondering in the room. The room itself had vanished together with my friends.
And suddenly unexpectedly the black hole suck me through, the universe had collapsed under my feet.
"Actually, I'll be back at @@@@ in two days" I heard her saying.
I stopped talking, I stopped listening, everything stopped once more but this time even her was frozen, was out of the frame, out of my reach.

...Cos I don't wanna lose/What we had last time your leaving this life ain't fair/You don't get something for nothing, turn back/Mmmm gotta try a little harder/It could be sweet...
There was no point on continuing this, no point at all, suddenness filled me, darkness surrounded me, as in one night I had found and lost in a moment what I wished for.
I gave her my telephone number, but never asked for hers, cause I though that it will be meaningless to chase down what appeared to be a loosing case.

...this is the end...

Something that I always regret cause when I see on my cell phone screen, an identified/unknown telephone number, my mind always hopes at the other end to be her. But, it never is...

...and what can you tell to your friends that smile at you with truthful joy, knowing that something good was happening back there...

...κι είναι βάσανο ο φίλος, κι είναι βάσανο ο φίλος, που ζητάει εκδρομή...